Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
