We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I wear drunk well.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
