Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
