The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
