dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
