bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
