I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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