I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
