i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
