great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
