This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
