White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
