How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
