I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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