We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
