i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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