I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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