Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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