Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
