so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize