Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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