it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
