I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
