The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm getting married
To pizza
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
