I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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