Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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