As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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