Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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