I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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