I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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