i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
