My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
