redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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