He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
