my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
