I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
