I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
