He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
