Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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