I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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