Dude my mom stole all your condoms
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
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