you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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