is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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