All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
