Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Boobs are out for the taking
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
