I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
