I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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