he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
