I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
