guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
