Are we in a gay sports bar?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
