I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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