dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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