he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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