fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
