he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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