Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
