I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
whose parrot is this?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
