and you said cock pushups were impossible
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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