Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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