He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
