you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
