...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Everyone says I win the strip club
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
