Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
