I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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