i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
